I Still Remember

Do you still remember

That I'm here, I exist

Or am I lost from your memories

Disappeared in the mist.

I think of you often

And regret what I lost.

I wish I was better

I now see the cost.

I have faced my arrogance.

I know I'm to blame

I should have treated you better

But I played life like a game.

You needed my help

I was like an ape

I watched from a distance

To laugh and jape.

I used you to try

To fit in with the guys

We shared stories about you

Both truths and lies 

I'm sorry. I am.

I want you to know.

I'm too scared to tell you

But I'm trying to grow.

To shed the cowardice

That won't let me say

That I wronged you then

And still do to this day.

If I'm now a stranger-

You will be free

From the sadness and darkness

Gnawing at me.

If you have forgotten

Then I'm not hurting you.

I'll watch and be happy

That you've pulled through.


I still hurt at the thought

Of what I have lost

I didn't think then

And am still paying the cost.

December 16, 2018

 

Flights at night really make me melancholy apparently. I don't remember why, but I'd been thinking about someone who mattered a lot to me, and who I treated much worse than she'd deserved. School age me was an asshat. Although I can't undo my mistakes, hopefully I can at least remember them and learn from them.

 

I'm sorry.